When we visited Pittsburgh over Labor Day weekend, our twelve year old niece created an itinerary of genius (if slightly wacky) activities for us to try. We’re no strangers to shenanigans and nonsense. They’re some of our favorite things. After all, we’ve got thirty years of experience having fun with nieces and nephews.
Disclaimer: My attorney wants me to tell you these activities involve risk. Don’t blow up the kitchen. Don’t explode canned goods in the oven. Don’t choke on a pretzel chip. I shouldn’t have to tell you not to sample the Google Bake. Don’t give each other conjunctivitis. As always, use the good sense God gave you when trying out any new activity. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.
Google Bake: Unfamiliar? We were too. Here are the rules:
1) Paste a recipe into Google Translate, then translate into many different languages in succession.
2) Translate back into the original language.
3) Without reading the recipe first, follow the new instructions line by line and see where it takes you!
Because my niece and I weren’t allowed to peek, my sister and cousin translated the keto Death by Chocolate Cake recipe for us. Here’s the recipe with our notes and adjustments italicized:
kweKetone Marwolaethcacen kuqukethezekhekhe (Zulu?!)
lokuxuba lokuxubhawesinkwa (of the breadcrumb mix)
2 umhlabathienomhlabathi (soil and soil) million cups of almond powder – This cake is getting expensive. We didn’t have *quite* that much almond flour, so we used an enormous bag of wheat flour instead.
1 cup of molten sweetener Noman erythritol – Everything I microwave becomes “molten”, so…..
is 1/2 cup flour and cocoa – MORE flour!
half age 1. Bake – It didn’t say how long to bake. A few seconds should do.
butter1/2 cuprhowchôl – We didn’t know what rhowchôl was, but we thought that sounded vaguely like chow-chow, which is kind of like the pickle relish we found in the fridge, so…in you go, 1/2 cup of dill pickle relish.
vanilla extract 1 teaspoon then – Throw in a teaspoon. That’s gonna crunch when bitten into.
egg in – Initially, the egg went in whole, then the 12 year old decided we should probably crack it so that she could sample the cake after baking.
2cwpan milk – We assumed cwpan means cup. It does!
caws8oz, replace – Caw. Like a crow.
half the butter, replaced – Not sure what was wrong with the first half of butter. But we replaced it anyway.
flour flour 1/3 of erythritol – Flour. Flour. This is gonna be one gluey glaze.
for 1 hour. L. Remove the vanilla 3 meters.
L. – We didn’t have nearly ten feet to work with, so we placed the bottle of vanilla as far to the left as we could. On the floor. In front of the pots and pans cabinet.
It’s not fun, but you’re dying – Oh, but it is fun!
2 meters. L. a new cream to choose – Reject cream cheese, choose whipping cream instead.
chocolate chip lily (isikhwamangentuthu – the haze!) with
bread – Melt chocolate, spread on Mom’s good Dave’s Killer Bread. She won’t mind.
- sentuthusibe350 degrees.
- Mix almond powder, erythritol, cocoa powder and baking powder well in a large bowl. Mix butter and vanilla. Incorrect eggs (so judgy!), mix well, stir well and mix well (that’s a whole lotta mixing) with almond milk.
- Carefully wrap three standard cake pans (or use stickers if necessary) or use a spoon to prevent sticking. Gives a third with cans. Huh? Canned goods? Okay. We didn’t have gift wrap, so we stickered the cans instead. I’m still not convinced that prevents sticking, but whatevs. We didn’t write this recipe. We’re just the test kitchen.
- Bake in the oven for 20-25 minutes (replace the oven) until it comes in contact again and the toothbrush is clean. Just in case you thought 2 million cups of almond flour was expensive; you could replace an oven for that.
- Allow it to cool completely before removing it from the pan. I kept it at room temperature for a few hours and kept the room warm at night, which worked well. It’s September. The room is already warm at night.
- Put in a large bowl and stir all ingredients until foamy for 3-5 minutes. Less foamy, more concrete in texture and weight.
- Combination: Put the first piece of cake on top and clean it from freezing to high. We’ve already brushed it’s teeth, I’m not cleaning it again.
- Put the second layer of the cup and add the glass, this will damage the ice on the cake. Too bad we threw out that broken glass. Could’ve used it in this recipe.
- If necessary, specify customization options. I think we’ve customized this enough.
When your niece invites you to have a “Floor Picnic” with her, you just say yes! Never mind that you don’t know what a floor picnic is. Turns out, it’s just what it seems. Spread a quilt on the floor and place favorite picnic foods in the center. Try to keep the peanut shell/popcorn mess contained to the quilt. Get comfy and watch a movie together. Simple, indoor fun!
Googly Eyes Makeovers:
Partner up with a willing
victim participant. Spread old makeup that you don’t mind ruining onto the table. Raid the Halloween supplies for this one. Place the “hard” lenses into the frames of the glasses from the game Googly Eyes. We needed a fourth player for this one, so our niece used her powers of persuasion on him, and Mark extremely reluctantly agreed to step in. He’s a good sport!
The player with the glasses on must take an unassisted “before” selfie of the two of you. They then give the other player a makeover using the cosmetics before them. Again, unassisted. No hints, no help opening containers. Nothing. Once the makeover is complete, the player with the glasses on takes an “after” selfie. Switch glasses and give the other player a makeover. Makeup remover wipes are optional equipment for this game, but highly recommended.
Pro tip: Keep your eyes tightly shut during your makeover. Don’t worry too much though, your cosmetologist shouldn’t be able to find your eyes to hit them!
Best uncle ever. I think *someone* needs to go to a rock concert made up like this! She better remember this day when we’re old and in a nursing home. Just sayin’.
Is your family game to try these activities? If so, plan an itinerary for them! Let me know how that goes in the comments. A certain twelve year old will be waiting to hear all about it.
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